Thursday, 5 November 2009

It's About Time...

It's about time I let go of stuff tbh. I hold grudges, negativity and the sense of loss. I suppose everyone does - Just not me up until now.
At the time it goes straight over my head; doesn't bother me at all, it's not until I get to a point where I feel hugely stressed that it all surfaces again. Stress tears. The only time I EVER cry. some things have happened lately to me make me feel like utter shite and yet I still find myself adding to it. the way I am I suppose. I just had a great idea for a song then!

"Everything happens for a reason"
Yeah I just don't like the reason tbh! It's not good enough!!

There aren't enough hours in the day - I've felt like that before but with an end in sight thats the bit I don't enjoy. This stress is an ongoing stress that isnt going to let up! The sense of never ending is what I can't deal with! Other instances like this have been where it's been for something and then nothing afterwards.

I got told today I'd make a really good teacher. First time anyone's actually said it to me. I'm not sure I could do it. I used to think teaching was a cop out - I'm not so sure anymore i think its easier to become established but its that same ongoingness that I couldn't do.
I love the kids though I think they're awesome- I'm doing it for them "Children are our future" for want of better quotes. I just want to make sure that kids get the same from it as I did.

I'm so easily annoyed right now and constantly feeling like a spare part is just going to make me more into getting more out of the kids.

All this stuff HAS to help get into drama school right?
I also got told I'm "bound" to make it because I'm out there trying now. Dunno if i believe them!

i have this little stressed out noise i do it's only been around since like may - this feeling reminds me of the drama exam. Biggest difference is then I had support now the person who's supposed to tell you to chill is one of the main people who contribute to the stressing out!
It would just be nice to have some thanks for once, you dont need to say it because if you say it and dont mean it its meaningless. Just would be nice for her to not expect this level of stuff- i'm doing more than the rest of the world so lets not be adding any more stuff ey! OOOOOOO NO not with her LETS ADD SOME MORE CRAP ON TOP TO STRESS HER OUT LOADS MORE.

She doesn't get me at all. Generally I'm a very chilled out person but expectation is something i cant deal with. Up to a certain point aye expecting it will get the best from people but you can push people too far and I've gone past my line.!!!!!

The world would be perfect without all the people in it...

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